THE VICTIM!

I was 18years old and was a bar tender of a hotel, I wanted to go to school and the only means for me was to work out the money.

 

I had lost my dad who was the one and like the only literate bread winner in the family including it’s extension.

 

Bartending was an available option for quick money, I picked it.

 

Times passed and there were lots of  the hotel guest that wanted me, they should, I was slim, beautiful and intelligent amongst my peers, I read a lot and knew how to get all I wanted.

 

Then he came, tall, fair and chubby, a banker with the sauce, I liked him immediately and he liked me too or maybe he just wanted the cookies from the cookie jar, either ways he toasted and I agreed to the toast.

 

It was my first attempt at a serious relationship as I started to have suitors at the age of 15.

I used to live in the North or was it called the North central? A place where the girl child gets married on sighting their first menstrual flow but I wanted something different, I wanted to to choose and not to be chosen.

 

I had always been one you can call a tomboy, in the days I felt like it, guys had always seen me as their “bro” some of them didn’t see me as one they could be intimate with and of a truth I didn’t want them to. I was good with the pretense, it’s either I’m acting a novice or a very good player who wasn’t ready at the moment to go down south, either way I got to pass those dark moments when guys were not thinking straight and wanted the cookies by force

 

I grew up in an all boys secondary school and as a result, I had more male paddies compared to the females and of course I was deliberate about keeping my virginity until marriage, in fact I wore it like an invisible badge, that bloody nerve beneath my legs were protected at all cost for when I would say “I DO” to a prince charming

 

I started dating Mr Banker and one day, he invited me to his house after work, work closes by 2am for me as a bar tender and I had always slept in the bar after it’s closure, until it was bright enough to go home, then by 4pm, another round of work resumes.

 

But he came along and offered me comfort in his home, I accepted, he agreed to picking me up every 2am.

 

He picked me up the first day and we went to his house. It was a place of no easy escape, I noticed the high wall burglary proof and the strong door.

 

Suddenly Mr. Banker locked the doors and put on music, he increased it to the highest volume, before my mind would calculate on what was going on, he gave me a heavy slap, I saw the stars and moon scattered and aligned immediately.

 

I tried to think how we got to the slapping part but before I could, he was tearing down my clothes, everything happening so fast,  it was about 2:40am, who would save me?

I cried and screamed my lungs out!

 

Who could hear us? The music was on its highest volumes! It was in the dead of the night, generators were on, the two doors were locked and Mr Banker had dropped the keys in his bedroom, I thought of the questions I would be asked if anyone came to save me at all the questions would be

“Why did you follow him home?” “What were you doing in a mans house at this time?”

 

As I thought about this I became powerless as he continue to hit and forced himself on me, He poured all that was his seed in me.

 

(Gosh! I’ve never been so irritated in my life)

After the first, he went another round, He made sure of my helplessness, so he could have me all night, all he wanted was sexual gratification, he had it, he won.

The deed had been done.

The pains down there, the irritation, the hate, the disgust, the hurt all in one

 

“So you’re a Virgin?” He asked with a smirk

 

what a question! to him, he most have won a jack pot!

“Lets get married please?” Mr Banker asked unexpectedly, I didn’t know if it was the satisfaction speaking or a question born out of pity

Ah! I silently wished I died that night, I wanted to.

Nobody prepared me for this, nobody taught me that a marriage proposals comes after a rape, I was to hurt to give an answer, I looked into his eyes and many things ran through my mind at the time, like what I will tell our kids when I am asked how we met with their father.

I cried,

And immediately hated him, so much rage, so much anger, so much hurt, so much tears.

 

When the brighter morning came, Mr Banker drove me back to my house like nothing happened, but deep down inside, something about me change totally I became someone I didn’t know, a broken version of the Princess that left for work the previous day.

 

Have you been sexually abused as a child, teen or even as an adult?

 

Is that what makes you so bitter and so broken till now?

 

Is that what has changed your reality till date?

 

Do you hate the other gender because of what has happened to you?

Have you promised to never get married because of this?

Are you hurt right now just reading this post and remembering all they did to your body?

 

I understand you, I felt it too.

 

Oya Say this out loud for your ears to hear

 

“I FORGIVE YOU!”

 

Say it again! I Forgive You!

keep saying it!

 

I Forgive You!

Its time to write it all off dears!

 

One thing with unforgiveness is that it holds the victims captive while the oppressors walk freely.

 

They probably have given their lives to Christ, have and enjoy eternal life,

 

While you the victim are here, backward, stagnant, living in hurt, having painful flash backs and dealing with the after-effects of being abused.

 

Its time to let go brothers and sisters and also seek professional help if you need one!

 

Say it out loud again “I FORGIVE YOU ……. …” *insert name*

When you think of the Rapist Declare:

I forgive you

I let you go

You inspire me to speak up and tell my story

I will do better because I forgive you

I am proud of all that I have become

unforgiveness is too heavy to carry around with me I cannot carry you and grow so I forgive you.

 

Now Breathe!!

 

It’s been a while I was urged to write this story by the Holy Spirit,

I didn’t want to, it took a lot of courage for me to write this in fact it had been in my draft for days but because of you I had to complete this story and publish it, I let it go!

 

The Holy Spirit is interested in you and wants me writing this because of you, tears fills my eyes as a remember this

 

If you’re sick in your body because you are still bearing grudges and you’re bitter over this experience you had, I am waiting for you, I can help you overcome by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

I’ll show you how to heal.

Shalom! Shalom!!