Have you lived in the dark before?
In that dark alley called depression.
It’s just across the street from mania but they have never met.
Anxiety also lives in the tall building adjacent, it peeks in every once in a while.
It’s a long and narrow alley. No light comes in. Day and night are about the same.
By the time you get to the midpoint, it starts to feel like drowning. You just keep going down, farther in.
But, you don’t give in to defeat.
You try, you really try.
You fight.
But you become exhausted from flapping your hands so hard.
Your strength fails you and you just give in.
Surrendering to the inevitable.
Resigning to fate.
Praying that you don’t feel the impact so much since you know it’s coming.
Hoping you don’t hit your head against a stone as you sink.
Or that the crash would be fatal, and you would die, putting an end to it all.
You drown.
But you don’t hit your head and you don’t die.
You are alive.
Struggling to breathe.
Gasping for air.
You choke. For several minutes.
And you hope that this will be the end.
That the lack of oxygen supply will end your misery.
You close your eyes and count to ten.
Nothing.
Then you count to thirty.
Nothing.
Then you stretch to sixty…
One hundred and twenty…
One hundred and thirty-seven…
You lose count.
Still nothing.
Your chest hurts badly.
You are in so much pain.
There is no air.
Yet you are still alive.
Your entire life flashes before you.
The laughter.
The pain.
The pain takes over.
The pain of rejection, loss, bad decisions, deliberate mistakes.
Guilt. Regret. Anger. Defiance.
They all wash over you almost simultaneously.
Then sorrow.
You start to cry.
No, weep.
You weep profusely.
Loudly.
Feeling sorry for yourself and then hating yourself.
Wishing for death but too scared to make it come yourself.
The ache in your head is so bad you fear it will fall off.
Your throat feels parched. Your chest, limbs, entire body is in so much pain.
You ask why you had to exist in the first place.
You had concluded long ago that your existence was a colossal waste of space.
You maintain that resolution.
You hear laughter.
Scornful laughter.
Then the name-calling begins.
Echoing…
“You’re so ugly!”
“So daft!”
“You can’t just get anything right!”
“You can never amount to anything!”
“Everything you touch dies!”
“You are worthless!”
“Just occupying space!”
“Kill yourself and rest!”
“Nobody will even notice!”
“Nobody cares!”
“You’re just a waste of space!!!”
More laughter.
Jeering.
Unseen hands begin to poke at you.
Loud shrieks.
Your head is about to split into two.
And all of a sudden, there is silence!
Deafening silence.
Then, Light.
Very bright Light.
You open your eyes.
You are not drowning.
You are not in an alley.
You are on your bed.
The headache has disappeared.
All the pain is gone.
There is immaculate brightness everywhere.
Like fifty-something light bulbs turned on at once in an enclosed space.
Then a voice.
The most beautiful voice you’ve ever heard.
Deep baritone.
It is so calming, peaceful.
It fills you with so much peace.
“I love you, Nini. You are important to me. Come to me and you will never be in pain again.”
You can’t see Him.
But you know Him. You don’t know how you do, but you know Him.
He’s the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of the Living God.
You know where He is. You stand up and take the first step towards Him.
In a flash, He pulls you in for an embrace.
You still cannot see Him.
But you can feel Him, His warm Arms enveloping you like the softest blanket.
It is the best feeling you have ever had.
You feel joy.
Overwhelming Joy.
You know it is forever.
He says He will never leave you.
And you believe Him completely.
What is darkness at the sight of Light?
It is swallowed up. Completely.
It cannot protest.
There’s no ‘aura’, no forewarning.
It is just swallowed up.
In victory!
No negotiation.
Hallelujah!!!
Are you struggling with depression, anxiety or any other sickness of the mind or body? Talk to us, we would heal you.
You can reach us through any of these numbers, +2347034850169,
+2348087206561. Or send an email to personalfellowship1@gmail.com
The Peace of Our Lord be with you.